Paranoid

It may just be me, but I think that inanimate objects are out to get me. This isn’t something that has just come up, it has been happening for as long as I can remember.

Don’t get me wrong; it isn’t as if these objects are waging an all out, no quarter/no survivor’s kind of war. It is a multitude of little things that I barely notice on a day to day basis, the kind of thing that if you mention it to anyone they think you are paranoid. You don’t think I am paranoid do you?

Just last night I checked the power on my cell phone and it said I had about ¾ power left, and yet this morning it was pretty much drained. That just couldn’t happen if they weren’t out to get you. Later on, I needed to get my key to start the car and somehow it had gotten jammed into the ring part and I had a hell of a time getting it free. I tried to put it back in the same place later on and it was impossible to do. That isn’t normal. One of my fountain pens wouldn’t write today, so I figured it was out of ink and gave it a shake. Turns out that there was ink in the pen, but now there is ink on the desk and the floor. Oh, now the pen is really out of ink.

I know…I know, this stuff doesn’t prove anything other than the whole “Ken’s paranoid” thing. Well, maybe so, but it never happens when I am wearing a mask. Just this afternoon I put a mask on and made some toast. It didn’t fall off of the plate, and it didn’t land butter side down on the floor and I didn’t have to pick dog hair off the toast before I could eat it. I kept the mask on and went down stairs to clean the fish hooks and not one of them went into my finger. When I wasn’t wearing the mask, the first one I picked up hooked me. You don’t think I need to get a shot or anything do you? The worm on the hook was old and dried up so it couldn’t have anything toxic left on it…right?

One thing I do know however is that you shouldn’t wear a mask into the bank. Not even to the automated tellers. Bank people in real life aren’t so smiling and friendly as they are on the TV commercials. Maybe it’s the mask that is causing some of the trouble. It’s inanimate. Hmmmm…

I’m going to start to keep track of these “little things” and see if there is indeed a pattern. I bet you I find one, but I imagine the computer will die or somehow the information will disappear.