Wednesday 13 February 2013

Cuffed In The Back of a Cruiser

I was in my favourite second hand store today just browsing the aisles. You have to go on a regular basis so that you can see if anything new arrives on the shelves and finally decide on whether you want to buy that thingy that you have been looking at all week. If you don’t buy it right away, then more than likely you shouldn’t buy it at all. Besides, if it is really worth buying, then someone picked it up while you had your thumb up your ass. Such is life.

What I want to talk about is the number of people who are so self centred that they will leave their shopping basket in the middle of the aisle while looking at some item. There are a couple of things that bother me about this. Firstly, when did these baskets grow wheels and long handles? There was a time when hand baskets were carried in the hand, hence the name. Have we become that lazy and out of shape that we can’t carry a book, t-shirt and a cup that tells the world who the worlds best mom is. Secondly, why leave the basket in everyone’s way? Quite frankly, if you have filed your basket with bargain basement treasures, do you really want to leave it out where every Tom, Willy and Dickhead can see what you have? The aisles are rather small and the baskets rather big, not to mention the fat assed people wandering around.

I like to draw their attention to the fact they are blocking the aisle. “Is this your basket or is it for display?” The look of terror on their face when they think they might lose their collection of crap is hilarious. Sometimes I just push it aside with my foot and dare them to say anything with a scathing look. Most often I will just shake my head in disgust and step over the basket instead of going around it. I’ve noticed that when I do that they will always pull it closer.

This same kind of bullshit happens in the grocery stores. Some brain dead turd will park their cart in the middle of a crowded aisle and then take up what space is left trying to decide whether to buy French’s or Kraft mustard. They stand there until you give them a curt “Excuse me!” and then they pretend to all of a sudden notice that they are in a crowded grocery store while they move their cart two inches and mumble “Sorry”. Even worse is when two people going in opposite directions decide that this is the best time to have a nice long chat while their unruly kids put their hands all over everything they can reach. I should buy that cattle prod from Princess Auto; that would clear the aisles.

However, I suppose I would be the bad guy and end up cuffed in the back of a cruiser, shortly to be committed for two weeks assessment in the local loony bin. I guess I will keep doing what I am doing. Give lots of dirty looks and click my tongue at the appropriate time. I wonder what kind of thing pisses these thoughtless people off. It sure isn’t dirty looks or tongue clicking. 

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