Saturday 24 November 2012

Stay Out Of Crowded Elevators

I was wondering about farts today.

We had a poster once that listed all of the different types of farts and we kept it on the back of the bathroom door. It is kind of nice to have something to read when you are occupied in the washroom, but I was never really comfortable with that poster. That being said, we kept it there for a number of years, more because it was easier to do nothing than to take it down.
My mom and dad had a half bath just off of the family room that had wall paper that I really liked. It was covered in quotes from Shakespeare’s plays. The one that is in the forefront of my mind is “If music be the food of love…play on.” There were hundreds of them and I never tired of reading the walls. It is truly amazing just how many of his words have stayed in the common mind for so long. Here is a link and it is kind of interesting just how many quotes you can recognize even if you are not very fond of good old Bill.

What got me to thinking about farts this morning was how they can be so different from each other. Some are just air that is released and that is all there is to it. Yet other times the same amount of air is released and it can make your eyes water. Sometimes there is just an insignificant poof of air and at other times it is like the earth itself is ripping apart. Very strange!

One time when my parents came to visit, we loaded the car with parents and kids and went downtown to see Devonian Gardens. We parked on the upper floor of the parkade and all seven of us piled on the elevator. The doors shut and shortly there after I lifted my leg and let go a very loud, long sound. I don’t usually do things like this and I can’t for the life of me think why I choose that moment to slip out of character. It was a little funny, but the look on my dads face of utter and complete disbelief `and the total silence in the elevator kind of made me smile. When the doors opened, a little old lady was the first to leave the elevator. I didn’t even know she was there at all.

The kids were laughing and mom and dad probably were too, but I was mortified. It just goes to show you that unless you have all of the information about any given situation, you want to take it easy. That was the last time I would let go in a small crowded and confined space. I am getting older and I think some of my seals are beginning to lose some of their elasticity. Sometimes there are small unwanted puffs of air which I just can’t seem to control as well as I used to.

One thing I do know however is that, in the foreseeable future, I am going to stay out of crowded elevators.

Pull My Finger Poster

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