Rescue The Cats From Korea

There are an awful lot of really good causes that are trying to get a piece of the charity dollar. I’m not sure why there seem to be more now than before, but a pie can only be cut so many times, and after that it is hardly worth bringing the fork to your mouth. Last year Louise was called by the Liver foundation for a donation. She told the guy that she had just sent off a check, two weeks ago and he said that she hadn’t. Louise happened to have the checkbook handy and found the donation. The guy said “Oh, that was the Liver foundation; I am with the Children’s Liver Foundation.” Like that makes a difference. Geez, maybe if you worked together you could beat this thing.

Like I said, they are all good causes, but you can’t do everything. I saw on the news the other day that a guy brought seven dogs back from Afghanistan that had been abandoned and would have surely died if they weren’t rescued. Nice story of a caring thoughtful dog guy. When you read further, the cost of the flight to “save” these dogs was $42,000. I couldn’t help but think that $42,000 could have built some schools, dug a few wells, equipped a hospital, fed a village and generally helped the people of the area. Who knows, if the guy had given the $42,000 to a family or two they might have adopted the dogs and then the dogs wouldn’t have had to learn English. To be fair, the $42,000 was what it cost to fly the animals here. Who knows what it cost for the permits and paperwork as well.

We have our charities that we give to on a regular basis and have done so for quite a number of years. Louise is far more generous than I am, but I gladly take any praise that is directed in this general direction. So, we have our regular charities and we just say no to any other good cause that calls. Well, I don’t limit myself to “no”, where would the fun be in that? Sometimes, I tell them that I think what they are doing is fantastic and I would like to hear all about it. Then, I put the phone down and read, watch TV or check my emails. Eventually the person on the other end takes a breath and realizes that I am no longer listening, so they hang up. This method is great because it makes me smile and keeps the guy busy for a minute or so and in that minute he isn’t bothering anyone else.

I have also been known to berate then for taking a job that preys on the ignorant and stupid and ask how they can look their kids in the eyes at the end of the day. Sometimes I blow a referees whistle into the mouthpiece, or ask them if anyone that works there speaks English. That is particularly fun if the person speaks English well. A loud “NO” or “FUCK OFF” can be entertaining or just tell them that the person they are asking for recently passed away. I have tried to get a return number, but they never give it out. I guess they don’t want some asshole calling in the middle of dinner. I have even been known to be polite on occasion and just say that we aren’t interested and for them to have good luck with the rest of their calls. I will admit that the last one is pretty rare.

The thing that I don’t get is why they keep calling. I know that it is a numbers game and for every thousand numbers that you call 13 will give you money, but those figures have to apply to cold calls. I have been retired long enough to be able to recognize the charities and even the voices of the people calling. You have to be dumb as a sack of doorknobs to call the same place where a guy has told you to FUCK OFF, said no, left you talking to a dead phone, berated you for being a scum sucking bottom feeder and even on the rare occasion wished you a good day. Surely with thirty million numbers to pick from you would think I would be crossed off whatever list I am on. I could probably call and get my number put on the “Do not call list”, but where would the fun be in that.

I guess if they keep calling, I will keep messing with them, but they should know I am saving all of my money to rescue the cats from Korea.