Thursday 12 January 2012

A Hundred Bucks and Lifesavers

It has been a few days since Buster and I went for what should be our daily walk. What is the saying, “If you are too fat, then your dog isn’t getting enough exercise.” Yes, Buster needs more exercise! I haven’t been motivated in recent days and between inclement weather, other obligations and the sunrise being just a little too late some mornings, we have decided between the two of us that a quick trip to the backyard will suffice.

I generally talk to Buster and we discuss the weather, road conditions, taste of various treats and many other important topics. This morning neither Buster nor I could think of a good reason not to go for a walk, and believe me we tried. It wasn’t too cold and the sun was shining, so it was just perfect.

On the way out, as I was locking the door, I felt a sharp, stabbing pain on the pad of my right thumb. I will mention that later. We decided to take the slightly shorter route which went around the high school and the fields. At this time of day, the kids are pretty much all in school and we don’t have to worry about scaring the little darlings. Of course, just as we got to the corner of Embarrassment St. and Humiliation Rd. where Buster decided to relieve himself there was a group of students just kind of hanging out. Idiots! I picked up Busters deposit and we left the area without making eye contact.

When he is in the backyard and I happen to be looking out the window, Buster will generally sense that I am watching and he stares at me until I pretend to leave. I figure that if he doesn’t want me to watch then he must be engaged in something that I won’t approve of. He is right, I would prefer it if he would pick one place and make that the dead grass area.

So, we are walking along and Buster is sniffing pretty much anything and everything that he walks by. I look down and believe it or not, there lying against the fence is a one hundred dollar bill! Naturally, I bent down and scooped it up faster than you could say “Holy shit!” Buster might be able to smell which dogs walked by here for the past two weeks, but he walked by the $100 like it wasn’t even there. Stupid dog! There is a very good chance that the next time I see $100 it will be good for buying things other than houses and hotels.
Let’s get to my thumb now. Yesterday I was tidying up and came across a roll of lifesavers. I really like life savers and when I was a boy, Santa would always leave lifesavers in my stocking. There would be ten rolls in a container that looked like a book. Most of them were really good. Santa has left them in the stockings for my kids in years past, but now the company produces such odd flavours that only a couple of rolls out of the book get eaten, so Santa hasn’t left them for a number of years. The roll that I found would have to be about five years old. I don’t think that candy can go bad, it can get soft and discoloured, but sugar is and always will be sugar. Naturally I started to eat them and the first couple were soft like biting into a flavourless gum. The next couple were stuck together and as I pried them apart they broke. Well, shattered would be a better description and one piece became lodged in the pad of my right thumb. It hurt too!
This morning I woke up and the damned thumb hurt. It wasn’t until I went to close the door that I felt how much it hurt. I have a lifesaver sliver in my thumb! Yes, I did try to suck it out, but I don’t think that I got it because it still hurts. I figure that the white blood cells will take care of it in time, unless white blood cells don’t eat candy. Turns out that it is useless to Google “Do white blood cells eat candy?” Google ignored me like it was a question that was beneath contempt. I hope that it goes away by itself, because I have no desire to explain to my doctor why I was eating five year old candy. The rest of the roll was pretty tasty though. There is some chocolate I found behind the fridge, it should still be good…right?


  1. It has become obvious that you shouldn't be left alone for any prolonged period of time. Oh by the way do you think gum found under an LRT seat can be reused? B

  2. I live by the maxim of "Finders keepers, losers weepers." Humans are hunter gatherers by nature. You can't fight a hundred thousand years of evolution. Enjoy the gum!