Wednesday, 2 December 2015

Nuts and Snakes



 Okay, so I had to pick up this snake for some reason. I don’t like snakes and I am pretty sure that the feeling is mutual. Normally, we never even come into contact. While I was preparing myself mentally, I heard the voice of an announcer talking as if there was a documentary on TV in the other room.
 Image result for grey snake
“The common southern grey snake is relatively harmless unless you happen to be a mouse or a ground squirrel. The farmers count the southern grey snake as a friend and try to encourage them to propagate.”

I reached into the glass cage and grabbed the snake just behind the head and lifted it up and out. It writhed and twisted, eventually wrapping itself around my arm. It was surprisingly strong.

“The Southern grey snake is docile when handled and is generally no more difficult to pick up than a piece of rope.”

It kept twisting and fighting and eventually I lost my grip on its head.
 Image result for grey snake
“Very similar in size and colour to the southern grey snake is the smoky viper which should never be approached. It dislikes being handled and will violently attack whoever is foolish enough to do so. It prefers larger animals like rabbits, badgers and coyotes.”

The snake kept a grip on my arm with its tail and the head reached down and bit into my right testicle. I tried to grab it behind the head, but I couldn’t do so and pry it’s fangs off of my right nut. The pain was unbelievable!

“The Smoky Viper is tenacious when it bites prey and locks the jaws and only releases when the prey is dead. The poison from the Smoky Viper is not deadly, but will generally be strong enough to render its prey unconscious in a relatively short time.”
 Image result for snake prey
I grabbed the snakes head with one hand and with the other I tried to force open its jaws. I was pretty sure I would lose my testicle, but I didn’t seem to mind. I was getting very sleepy. If only I could remember why I had a snake and why I was moving it…

This is about the point that I woke up with a start in a sweat. I reached down and confirmed that I still had my right testicle and that there wasn’t a snake attached anywhere near my genitals. I got out of bed right away, just in case. 

Louise will be fine, she doesn’t have any testicles.


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