Thursday, 6 June 2013

Plants and Ants


Everything looks so green and alive; I suppose thats because of all the rain we have had which has been followed by warm and sunny weather. This has caused an irrational response in me to plant things and hope against hope that they will somehow grow in spite of me.

I have mentioned before that the vegetables are already in and the two tomato plants are in the ground. We had a cold night on their first evening in the ground, -3° C and the one plant didn’t take it very well. I am hoping that it will bounce back, but it could just as easily develop the plant equivalent of a cough and that could develop into some kind of plant consumption. Only time will tell. Today Louise wanted me to plant some giant zucchini seeds with the hope that sometime this summer we will have giant zucchini that I have to move so that I can cut the grass. The seeds were just normal sized, thank God. I don’t even know what zucchini is. I planted cucumber which is kind of like zucchini, in shape anyways.

I figured that since I was mucking about in the dirt, I might just as well put some flower seeds in those two hanging planters. They are pretty pathetic looking just hanging there swinging in the breeze with not a hint of green about them. When I pulled them down, it turned out there was a tiny dwarf dandelion in one. When weeds won’t grow…well, you know. I emptied the pot on the table and went about taking out the remnants of the roots and breaking up the soil with my fingers. When I looked at my hands, they were crawling with tiny ants. To say I freaked out would be an understatement! What the hell are ants doing in a hanging plant? EWWWWW!!!! I put some ant poison in the soil and replaced it and the ants in the pot, hopefully the poison will kill the little pests.

I started working on the other pot still wondering how ants managed to live in a hanging plant, and as I was breaking up the soil and taking the old roots out, I noticed that my hands were again covered with ants! WTF? I hadn’t even thought that there would be a chance of two stupid hills of ants in separate hanging baskets. Even now, hours later I can feel ants crawling all over my body. Long shower tonight or perhaps sooner.

I made a point of putting some ants from each of the pots into the other pot. I have this thought that the ants in each pot knew about the other ants and would hurl curses across the gulf between them. Kind of like the French and the English have done for centuries. I picture a valiant battle in each of the pots, but the outcome would be a forgone conclusion. The smaller number of ants from the opposing pot would be captured and summarily executed. Perhaps the bodies will be tossed over the side in full view of the other pot. Maybe they will be used as food for the colony. I really, really, really hope they kill each other to the last ant.


They may eat all of the seeds, but I am hoping the poison kills all of the little bastards. They will possible call it God’s will or a plague, I just don’t care as long as they die. I will water the plants, but I have no intention of getting too close again. It isn’t a good idea for a God to take a strong interest in his people. A true God allows them to believe they have free choice and a little mystery is good for the soul. I intend to be an evil, vindictive kind of God and the only thing they can be sure of is that Heaven just has to be a better place.

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