Thursday 17 November 2011


I keep hearing these loud thumps outside the window. It’s like someone is slamming a car door five or six times in a row and then nothing for a while and then the thumping begins again. Of course I get up and look out of the window to see what is making the irritating noise and there is no one there. Not only is there no one there, but there isn’t even a car or truck on the street. Before I look out the window, I turn off all of the lights so that if there is someone outside he/she won’t follow the advice from the voices and kill anyone that looks out the window. I suppose that I could be going crazy, but I don’t think so.

Would you know if you were going crazy, or would you just assume that you were OK and everyone else was what passed for OK in their world? Is it possible that you would think that you were sane and everyone else is crazy? Sometimes that is the way that I feel. Usually it is when I am driving or shopping or pretty much anytime that I stop to look at people.

You can tell the crazy people driving pretty easy, they are the ones driving a Honda Accord with a spoiler on the trunk. Do they think that will make the car go as fast as a formula one car? Crazy! How about the idiots that will drive side by side doing the speed limit so that you can’t pass? Crazy! I have to admit that I have played that game before. You pick someone doing the limit on a long stretch of road and wait for someone coming up from behind really fast, and then you match speed with the blue hair/oriental/drug dealer/drunk and wait for speedy to catch up. You accelerate and slow down at intervals giving speedy hope but never letting him get by you until you turn off. The key to not getting shot or beaten up is to make it look natural.

I was having a coffee at Tim’s today and I saw a guy get out of his Accord and he had shorts and flip flops on. It was pretty cold, so he was wearing a heavy coat. I know, crazy! The only possible explanation is that he was in bed with someone that told him she would like a coffee and some Tim bits and to be back soon. So, he pulled on his shorts and flip flops, hopped into the Accord and raced to Timmy’s. He would have gotten here faster, but for some asshole that was playing games and wouldn’t let him pass. I guess the passion will be as cool as the coffee when he gets back.

I was in Superstore the other day and it is under construction. Well, they had tarps up and had changed the location of everything. I didn’t hear any construction, but that just means they could be on break. It looks as if this store is changing to look like the other store. What that means in “Kennese” is that they are moving everything around so that it makes almost no sense at all. I was looking for saltine crackers and of course they weren’t in the cracker aisle, they were in the soup aisle. What was I thinking? Sure, put some in the soup aisle, but the vast majority of people will look in the cracker aisle for crackers. I’m right about this aren’t I? Maybe I am just going nucking futs. I blame that gimpy Galen Weston for this bullshit. Who would name their son Galen? Crazy!

Well, the thumping has stopped, so it would seem that sanity has returned to the world…for now.

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