Wednesday 17 October 2012

No One Has Ever Complained

Well, old man winter can do his worst now. I put the snow tires on Louise’s car and just so long as she is able to stay clear of Calgary’s horrific drivers this winter she should be all right. I am aware that it is a trifle early for snow tires, but there have been a few hints of an early and fierce winter.
The first indication is a dead giveaway; the meteorologists at the Weather Channel have predicted a very mild short winter. They couldn’t predict a rainfall if they were standing in a puddle of water. I was going to say that I wish I could have been as bad at my job as they are at theirs and not get fired. Trouble is, I could have been that bad and still kept my job. I will tell a story a little later that demonstrates it. They say that if a Mountain Ash has a lot of berries it is going to be a harsh and long winter. My buddy has a Mountain Ash which is very nearly bare of berries. You would think that would agree with the meteorologists, but not so. His neighbour two doors down have a Mountain Ash that has its branches nearly touching the ground there are so many berries. You might be thinking that this doesn’t make sense, but what it tells us is that there is a line between my buddies place and his neighbours where there is going to be some messed up weather.
The indigenous peoples believe that it will be a long hard winter when the snow is so deep that no one can get in the casinos (yes…kind of racist..sorry). I figure the winter will be harsh when the gas and electric companies raise the price of gas and electricity. It will be a cold winter if one day you wake up and there are no birds at all anywhere, either that or there is a remake of Alfred Hitchcock’s movie classic “The Birds”. I guess what I am saying is that there is no sure way to tell what the winter will be like, but I am now prepared for the worst.
I’ve had my “snows” on for about two and a half years now. A couple of years ago I went to the auto salvage yard and found four rims to put my winter tires on. Turns out that the rims had snow tires on them already and since I had to buy them I figured I’d just drive them until they wore right out. One more winter I figure, and then I go back to the original plan. Waste not…Want not…


Now, as to how I couldn’t get fired if I tried. I actually did try, but that is for another time. There was this fellow at the Post Office that worked in the mechanical room where he would repair broken metal cages and generally weld and hammer all things metal. One day this guy was working very hard from the moment he came in and even worked through his break. That he was working hard should have raised more than a few red flags. In the early afternoon this guy went after his supervisor with the sword he had been making and nearly killed him. If not for the heroic actions of a few fellow workers he would have succeeded in killing his boss.

Now, from what I understand the supervisor deserved to have a long shaft of metal shoved through his internal organs, but we just don’t do that in polite society. I guess management knew what a colossal ass the supervisor was and instead of firing the worker, he was given a month or two off to pull himself together (with pay) and then given a pretty cushy job.

Post Office management aren’t complete tools, no matter what you have heard, and they didn’t think that this guy should work with people ever again. The job he was given was to wash trucks at night. He had to wash eight trucks a day. He would wash two before break, two after break, two after his meal and two before he went home. I’ve got to tell you that he didn’t do a very good job of washing the trucks, but in the ten or so years he has been doing it no one has ever complained

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