Wednesday 13 May 2015

Mass Murdering Street Parkers

The neighbours on both sides of me have been pissing me off for the past couple of years. 

The one guy is a back yard mechanic with an illegal rental suite in the basement, so consequently there are five or six vehicles that need to be parked at any one time. The garage is where he does his mechanic thing and there is no room to park in there so that only leaves the street. To be fair, he is pretty good about not parking in front of my house, but there is encroachment. He is a nice, hard working guy and is just trying to support his family.

My neighbours on the other side aren’t as nice and if they turned out to be mass murderers that chopped children up and fed them to the dogs, I wouldn’t be terribly surprised. I wouldn’t be that neighbour who, when interviewed, would say “They seemed nice and quiet; I never would have thought I lived beside a mass murderer.” I would more likely say “Just kids? I would have bet there would be some chopped up homeless people and probably a few of those missing women too. The dogs are going to be put down aren’t they?” Even if they don’t kill children, the homeless and young women, they park their big ass trucks on both sides of the street and often in front of my place. 

Yes, I know that no one owns the street and you can park anywhere you like, but our street is starting to look like a used car lot. Not a “gently used” lot either. It’s looking more like the next step for these vehicles would be the wreckers. I try to be positive, putting it out to the universe that these would be good people to win a house, get a much better job or have a gas leak that will kill them while they are sleeping. So far, it doesn’t seem that I have very much pull with the universe. I suppose it’s possible that I am just in line behind people that have more urgent claims on universe good fortune. The poor, destitute, earthquake survivors, starving kids, chronically ill and the Alberta Conservatives all need universal help before I do.

A friend on facebook seems to be upset that people are going through the trash bin she has out in front of her house that they are tossing their spring cleaning trash into. I don’t get her concern. If the people are making a mess then maybe she has a legitimate concern. Personally, I have done a little dumpster diving in my time. One man’s garbage is another man’s treasure. To my friend it is garbage, but to someone else it might just be an upgrade over what they are using now. They might be able to add to their income selling the items on Kijiji or at a garage sale. They could be artists looking for raw materials for that next masterpiece. You just never know. 

My friend should be thankful that people aren’t filling the dumpster with garbage brought from home like they do in Alberta. When they are taking things away, they are taking weight, which means my friend will pay less when the container is finally taken away to the dump. She should put a sign on the dumpster that says


She should be thankful that she doesn’t have mass murdering, street parkers as neighbours!

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