Tuesday, 15 October 2013

Ikea


“I don't suppose you know what kind of alien life form leaves a green spectral trail and craves sugar water, do you?”

That is a quote from the first Men In Black movie, when Kay and Jay were trying to track down the alien that had become Edgar. The alien was basically just a very large cockroach. I’m not a big fan of large insects, fictional or otherwise, but thankfully this was just a movie and the bug was the figment of some movie creature creators over active imagination. It gives me the willies just thinking about it.

Today, Louise and I decided to go to Ikea and enjoy the $1 breakfast. Eggs, sausage, and home fries for a buck and if you get there between 9:30 and 10:00 the coffee is free. Not a bad meal and not a bad price. I like to sit in a location where I can watch the other diners. I’m not worried about having my back to the wall for protection, but I like to have a good view of the people. That is the only good reason to go for coffee. Why go out if you can’t see the people and put stories to the faces. The stories don’t have to be true; they just have to tickle my fancy.

There were moms with a kid or two in tow having coffee and juice waiting for the store to open. Of course there were more than a few retired people, either alone or couples, A group of parking lot windshield chip repair guys were having a morning meeting , I suppose to go over the goals for the week. I think the goal would be to repair as many chips as you can. When they finished inside, they went out and stood in the parking lot for ten minutes talking, I guess they were getting that last minute pep talk.

There was an Australian guy and his daughter who couldn’t find the sugar. I pointed him in the general direction and watched to see if he found it all right. I wondered what their story was. Could be that he was divorced and it was his day with his daughter. More likely is that they were on vacation and while mom stayed where ever they called home, dad and daughter spent some quality time at Ikea.

Just over Louise’s shoulder I watched a person sit down. I say person because I have no idea if it was a male or female. The clothes were loose and baggy jeans, the hair was cut short and there was no make up. What drew my attention was that (let’s say “she”) she had a Tim Horton’s coffee with her. She put down her tray and I saw two large iced teas, the coffee, a breakfast and a pile of those single serve syrup containers. She then proceeded to open and pour six of the syrups onto her breakfast. Jeez! She ate a few mouthfuls of eggs and potatoes and must have decided that more syrup was needed, adding three more.

When I said that her clothes were loose it is because she was very, very thin. How do you eat like that and stay thin. I just can’t even begin to think about how many sugars she has in her coffee. I had to tell Louise and I told her what I had just witnessed in my most conspiratorial voice. A minute later, I said in a loud voice while pointing behind her, “I really like that picture of the windmills they have on the wall over there.” She turned to look at the picture and the syrup lady. I was pretty clever…eh? Then the syrup lady turned to look at the wall and it was a pretty ho-hum picture of a windmill. She must have thought I was crazy to like a shitty picture like that. The nutbar sugar addict now thinks I am crazy! Perfect! That’s enough people watching for now. Louise and I packed up our tray and went to look at cool Ikea stuff.


I don't suppose you know what kind of alien life form craves maple syrup, do you?

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