Wednesday 19 May 2021

I Like The Look of the Dirt

A couple of years back Louise and I went to one of the best Garden Centres in the city to find a grassy solution for where the three trees were taken out. The stumps were ground out and that leaves a mix of wood chips and dirt. I figured that since the lawn  is pretty crappy anyways and I know almost nothing about maintaining a healthy lawn it would be prudent to consult a Garden Centre expert.


We found our expert and told him all about our grassy needs. We told him about the trees that had died over a few years and the one that we just wanted to go. If a tree can be an asshole, then that tree was one. I gladly signed the death warrant with a smile on my face. I was more than willing to spend hard earned cash to ensure that I couldn’t see it. Our expert seemed to comprehend our lawn care needs and walked us over to the grass seed area. He made a production of rejecting one bag after another and eventually selecting the bag that would fit our needs.


He explained that suburban lawns, unlike wild lawns, are never allowed to go to seed and therefore don’t reseed themselves. I had no idea what whiny babies lawns were. I just thought they were a pain in the ass that needed weekly cutting, sporadic watering and very infrequent fertilizing. I have even watched people rake their lawns in the springtime to get rid of thatch whatever that might be. Of course we had to buy an extra bag or two of seed to help it get healthy after years of neglect. His words, not mine. I think we even bought some chemical or powdery something or other to counteract the acidity in the soil. WTF?


We went home knowing that in a few short weeks our lawn will look like something out of Home and Garden Magazine. I prepped the spots where the trees had once been and dutifully seeded and powdered said areas. Of course I also spread seed on the existing grass so that it wouldn’t feel left out. I kept the lawn watered and wet for the next few weeks and was rewarded with microscopic blades of green coming out of the ground. I am sure the birds had more grass growing out of their ass holes. I couldn’t tell if the lawn was happy, but it seemed to be the same surly, worn carpet that it always had been.


For the next couple of years I waited for the areas where the trees had been to grow nice thick, luxuriant lawn that was on the bag of seed. It always looked like it had jaundice and the blades of grass never got past the needle stage. I knew by last fall that I had been taken by a smooth talking Garden Centre grifter that obviously worked on commission and saw two rubes ready for fleecing.


Today I put down my own compost on those pathetic, jaundiced spots where the trees had been, mixed some seed bought at Costco in with the soil and stomped it down well. I watered it and will continue to keep it moist for the next few weeks or until the birds have eaten all the seed. I also spread seed on the rest of the lawn because I kind of feel sorry for it somehow. Thirty five years of neglect does seem like it could be my fault.


Anyways, I am done for the day. I looked out the window at the spots of seed covered dirt and realized that I like the look of that dirt more than I will ever like a green lawn.   





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