I Hope Jesus Had A Comfortable Chair

I have been wondering lately just what kind of furniture Jesus would have had.

Somehow I can’t picture Him after a hard day of feeding the masses and healing the sick, kicking off His sandals and sinking into a La-z-boy or a Barcalounger. Now I don’t want anyone to think that I believe that He didn’t deserve comfort, it is just that I don’t think there was comfy furniture 2000 years ago. He might have wanted to relax, but I would bet that He didn’t get a moment to himself just to rest.

Picture Him coming home and saying “Jesus, are my dogs barking or what?” Well, that brings up another question, what would He have said instead of “Jesus”? I mean, I don’t go around saying to my wife “That idiot just cut me off, “Ken” what a dick he is!” It would seem just as strange to Jesus to use his own name to cuss someone out. Who was the prophet before He was? John the Baptist? Jesus probably wouldn’t have liked Baptists. Maybe Moses? Yep, that would sound right. “That idiot in the chariot nearly ran me down, Holy Moses what a dick he is!”

OK, so where was I? Oh yeah the furniture. I’m thinking some three legged stools, a rough bench, maybe a low, wide shelf to sleep on. I guess you could toss an animal hide cushion or three around the room stuffed with straw or feathers. He was pretty poor after all. Mind you, there is the whole carpenter aspect to this story. He could make all of his own furniture and later on when He didn’t have as much time His dad (the human one) could make him some cool things. “Hey Jesus! Your mom and I thought that you might like to have a foot stool. Make sure you use it yourself. You are looking a little run down lately. Don’t let that Judas talk you into letting him borrow it. I don’t trust that guy.” I can picture Mary saying “I hope you like the stool. When are you going to get married?” Nothing changes.

I wonder if the reason there are no modern prophets performing miracles is that they are just too damned comfy. “Yeah, I’ll raise him from the dead when American Idol is over.” THOU SHALT WORSHIP NO OTHER GODS OR IDOLS BUT ME!

Well, I guess we will never know. I hope that Jesus had a comfortable chair…

The Job Finds Me

The problem with trying to do a daily blog is that my life, like most peoples lives is really pretty boring. There is a Cheech and Chong skit about a guy that had to read his essay for the class on how he spent his summer vacation.

TEACHER: Yes. Read your essay, please!
STUDENT: Uh, I don`t have it finished yet.
TEACHER: Well then, read what you have, young man!
STUDENT: Okay. The first day on my vacation, what I did on my summer vacation, the first day on my vacation, I woke up. Then, I went downtown to look for a job. Then I hung out in front of the drugstore. The second day on my summer vacation, I woke up, then I went downtown to look for a job. Then I hung out in front of the drugstore. The third day on my summer vacation, I woke up...
TEACHER: Now that`s fine, young man!
STUDENT : ...Then I went downtown to look for a job...
TEACHER: Now that`s fine, young man!
STUDENT : ...Then I got a job, keeping people from hanging and out in front of the drugstore. The fourth day on my...

Really, that is my life as a retired guy, except I am not looking for a job. The odd thing is a job found me. I was at my friends yesterday and he got a phone call. He said “No, no I can’t I am going on holiday but do you have a Ken Harrison on your list? Would you like to talk to him? Sure, just a minute.” Now, all of this time I am shaking my head and waving my arms and mouthing NO! I haven’t a clue what it is about but if he isn’t going to do it then why would I want to? For all that I know it could be the Jehovah’s witnesses or a political party doing a satisfaction survey. I haven’t been satisfied with any government for at least twenty years. This is what I get for spending time with people of questionable intelligence.

I take the phone and hold it to my ear “ Hello? Oh, yeah sure that would be fine. Yes I can be there tomorrow. Bye.” It turns out that it was the Post Office asking if I wanted to work for a couple of weeks in June. It is to do a volume count and I get paid for three hours, work about an hour and a half and still have my coffee by nine. I can deal with it. Now, the odd thing is that they need me to go and give them my fingerprints. I guess having my soul and the best part of my life isn’t enough. Hmmm.

So I thought I will ride my bike over and get some exercise, and do the paperwork. Sooner rather than later. Right?  There will probably be a strike towards the end of the month (hey, that could impact on my job) so my normal ways to enter the building have been locked up tight. These are the types of precautions they take. Normally you could walk through the plant with a balaclava on and a Santa sac full of parcels and no one would even look at you funny. Today I had to go in through the front door and give the security geek my ID. When I got to the HR office it was locked. WTF! Turns out they were at a meeting. This was information that would have been nice to know.

This gives me an opportunity to waste some more time tomorrow.

I wake up.

I go and look for a job.

Then I hang out at the Tim Horton’s…