Not a Chance in Hell

 It is inevitable that at some point every December I am going to write a blog about Christmas cards. ‘Tis the season after all.

 

Mom and dad would send out two hundred or so cards every year and they would receive an equal amount. I can’t remember how they would have displayed all of those cards, I have difficulty finding space for the thirty or so that we get. I don’t think I know two hundred people, and I sure don’t know two hundred people who deserve a Christmas card. Dad would send a card to one of the German guards from the prison camp he was in during the war. I kind of get that…sort of. He would send and receive a card to the guy that built our house, and Angelo something-or-other. All relatives, uncles, aunts, cousins, second cousins and probably the guy that secretly fathered cousin Shirley’s bastard child that was put up for adoption. I guess the bastard child too.

 

We have people who will get a card every year for as long as I have a breath in my body. They might not send a card back to us, but they will always get one because it is the right thing to do. I may not be really good about keeping in touch, but this one time a year it is mandatory. Some of the friends I have had since I was a kid will get a card sent to them. The friends I have that live close will get a card hand delivered to them, no sense wasting postage.

Speaking of postage, the Post Office has raised the price of stamps an almost prohibitive amount. It is now one dollar for a single stamp and 85¢ if you buy a book of twelve. When you add in the cost of buying a card and the time involved writing a newsy note or letter for each one, it kind of makes you wonder “Why do I bother?” the Post Office has given up on letter mail and is pinning their corporate hopes on increased parcel delivery and ad mail. The easy way out.

Some years I get the cards done pretty early, but most years they are arriving just hours before Saint Nick. This year, I’m not sure where I stand. If I get my ass in gear I can be sitting pretty well before the middle of the month, but since I have all of this time, there isn’t a rush now is there?

We got our first card today in the mail. Usually the first card is from my childhood buddy Mike Rogers. I think it’s actually written by his wife who is one of those highly organized people that we all love and love to hate. This year though, my MP managed to get his card out first. I know that he did little else than pose sometime in July with his family and then some underpaid flunky put it all together. It’s easy for him, postage is free and he doesn’t have to address each and every envelope, just blanket coverage of his riding. Certainly no heart felt and personal note or letter in each card.

I just told Louise that we got our first card today and at first she seemed excited. Then, I told her who it was from and before I got all of the words out of my mouth she told me to toss it in the garbage. Not the recycling, but the garbage. She really hates those conservatives.

I wonder if mom and dad would still send out all of those cards if they had to pay 85¢. Lets see, 200 X 85¢ = $170.00. Nope, not a chance in hell…

As Long As it Takes

I kind of fell into working at the Post Office, and thankfully it was a very good fit for me. Oh, I suppose that I could have gotten a job that paid better or had a little more prestige, but all in all, I have been happy. When I first started working there, it was only for a few months until I could find something better. Surprisingly, most of the people who were working there when I did had the same life plan. I keep going to retirement parties for those people.

The money was never really good, it was a living wage, but you never hear the phrase “millionaire, playboy mailman”. Part of the reason you stay at a government job is because when you finish the job you will have a decent pension and benefits. Once again, you don’t get rich, but you can live. People think that it is a gift given to government workers, but they have no idea how much we paid from our base pay to have these benefits 35 years later.

The benefit I contributed to that has paid for itself over and over again is the dental plan. I have very poor teeth and up until recently, a year didn’t go by where I didn’t need thousands of dollars of work. Well, hundreds anyways. My father and brother had their teeth pulled to avoid the constant dental work. It seems like a stupid solution to me, but we each make decisions based on our individual situations. Plus I would worry that Tornado would hide my teeth on me someday.

Dental science has made great progress over the years and procedures that once involved a week or two or discomfort and pain, can be dealt with in a couple of hours. Just recently, I had my teeth painted with the new fluoride treatment. It is supposed to be much better than swishing it around in your mouth, but not as good as having it in the city water supply. Our city had a vote to remove the fluoride from the water supply and children’s dental health has suffered. I know that some people figure the government is using fluoride or some other chemical to make us docile. That’s crazy; TV does the trick nicely enough.

I had hoped that other advances would have come quicker. I don’t know why layers of enamel can’t be added to our teeth to replace what gets worn down. You would think that every week they could add a thin layer and eventually it would build up to what normal should be. Barring that, I would like to see them plant tooth buds in my gums so that brand new teeth would grow in just like happens to kids. It wouldn’t be without cost or pain I am sure, but can you imagine being able to have a full set of perfect teeth after a lifetime of dental abuse.

For now I will continue to regularly visit the wonderful Dr. Julie and her merry band of dental professionals. I will brush my teeth on a regular basis and floss when the mood strikes me. I wear a tooth guard now to keep from wearing them down any more than they are. I still think that dental science could and should progress faster than it is, but I’m willing to stay alive for as long as it takes.