Yeah, I have nothing for today.

Yeah, I have nothing for today.

I know what you are going to say “That hasn’t stopped you before.” I guess I am just an asshole magnet. Ha, ha. So, I guess stream of consciousness would be the way to go then. Ready, set, go!

The post office is probably going on strike tonight, which you would think couldn’t affect me at all since I am retired and just a carefree man about town. Unfortunately, I am going to be impacted in more than a few ways. Firstly, I am expecting a battery for my cell phone that I ordered over a week ago and it hasn’t arrived yet. Frakin’ post office! Just a bunch of over paid lazy slobs, except for the ones I know and anyone affiliated with them that might be reading this.

Secondly, I was to start work at the post office beginning tomorrow for the next two weeks. The money is good and the work is easy, just the combination of attributes that make a job appealing to me. Now with the strike there is a good chance that I won’t be needed. Why do horrible things happen to good people? I am referring to myself in case you were wondering. Screw that bunch of over paid lazy slobs, except for the ones I know and anyone affiliated with them that might be reading this.

Thirdly, I am going to have to listen to all of the newscasters and the editorialists babble on about the strike and making up statistics that have no basis in reality. I don’t know where they get their facts, but there sure as hell isn’t due diligence in background checks for the stories they write. There is no point in phoning or writing in because they just don’t listen. Now, as far as I am concerned all of those journalists and news broadcasters are a bunch of over paid lazy slobs, except for the ones I know and anyone affiliated with them that might be reading this.

I hope that the dispute is settled to the satisfaction of both parties and that neither one is happy with the outcome. That way there will be a balance and the world can go back to normal and maybe, just maybe I will still make my money. Everything really boils down to making me happy.

It is in the best interest of the world in general and everyone that knows me to keep me healthy, happy and alive. You see everything, and I do mean everything, is created by my consciousness, from the smallest blade of grass to the largest mountain. You are just a figment of my imagination. So, if you wish to stay in existence then you and everyone you know should be nice to me. Let’s start by sending cash. Send just as much as you can spare, because if you need more I will imagine it for you. OK? Good, I am glad to get that off of my chest. It is quite a burden to carry around.

I know what you are thinking, if that guy created everything then he must be god. Maybe not “The” God, but he is a god just the same. I guess the secret is out. Yes, you may worship me from near and afar, but no churches, they give me the willies. All that I ask is that you be kind to each other and for you to send money of course.

You know, not every one of these is worth the time spent reading it. This is where you should exercise your free will. I guess that if you are reading this then you are too late. You will never get this time back. Have a nice day.

LONG LIVE TIM HORTON!

I, like millions of other Canadians bought a coffee at Tim Horton’s today. This is Camp Day and all of the owner/operators of Tim’s franchises donate the price of all the coffees served today to fund Tim Horton’s Camps across Canada. Pretty impressive for a heartless corporation!

There are five camps located throughout Canada and one located in Kentucky. Needy kids from one area of the country are sent to another part of the country, sort of a Katimavik for kids. There is a camp in Alberta and one year Louise and I took the time to go and visit to see just what it was all about. In a word, Fantastic! If the kids didn’t have a great time it wasn’t because the camp counsellors weren’t trying. They are very highly trained, caring people. Kind of made me sick just how nice they were. Sort of like having a mouthful of sugar, you want to spit it out but its sugar!

The only thing I can complain about (believe me I have looked for things) is that you don’t get a tax receipt. You do get a coffee though. Today when I went with my friend there was a Calgary Stampeder cheerleader at the front door with one of those Tim’s prize wheels and asked us if we would like a treat for a dollar. They say a dirty mind is its own reward, and if that is the case then I was rewarded today. I won a muffin! No, a real muffin. Oh well! My buddy got some Tim bits which is a waste on someone like him, being a celiac, I refer to him as a “silly ass”, it rhymes and it is true. No, it isn’t that witty at all. It should be, but it just isn’t. We were served by a woman from head office and after our coffee my buddy went and asked her why there wasn’t a gluten free option on the menu. She said it was a good question and promised to mention it to R & D.

She came over with another coffee for us and the owner. I said that I would take the coffee, but she can keep the owner. I would take the girl at the door if I get to choose a person. They said it was between me and her, but I am pretty sure Louise wouldn’t want me to bring home someone unannounced. Just another path not taken I suppose. I told the owner that this was our favourite store and we drive past three others to get here. He told the woman from head office this was an unsolicited testimonial and in an aside to me said I will get a raise.

Later on in the day I went back with Louise, but by then there were no celebrities or cheerleaders, just the run of the mill employees and customers. Nothing good lasts forever, but we can hope that Tim’s Camps keep going for many years to come.

LONG LIVE TIM HORTON!

Yes, I know Tim isn’t with us anymore, but it is sort of like “The king is dead, long live the king”