Human Magpie

I guess that I am a human Magpie. That is a little disturbing because as a general rule I kinda hate magpies. I don’t wish them dead…yes I do, what’s a few million less pests in the world. That’s probably what Covid 19 fans are saying right now.

When I say that I am like a magpie I mean that I just can’t resist small shiny things. I see a bit of wire, a washer, nut, broken cell phone, cool looking hunk of glass, of course nickels and dimes and I can’t stop myself from picking them up. A few years ago I needed a couple of washers for a project that I was working on and when I went to Rona they wanted 11¢ for each one. What the hell! How much can a washer cost to make and market? I guess 11cents. From that moment on I refuse to step over any piece of hardware on principle. The principle is that I am cheap.

Most of the things I pick up find their way into a box, jar or tin can which is then put out of sight until I need a washer, nut or bolt. Then, after two hours of going through many random containers I come to the realization that I will have to make a trip to Rona. Yes, I did waste time, but I might have saved myself 11¢.

This Corona virus is really impacting my inner Magpie. For one thing, there is less trash being tossed out of car windows because there are fewer trashy people driving on the roads. That is a good thing for the environment I guess but there isn’t much to see. The other problem I am having is that even if there is something interesting that I see, I dare not pick it up. What if one of those trashy people decided to lick a washer, nut or bolt and then toss it out the window. How would I know if he/she were clear of Covid 19 virus. I am trying to stay healthy like everyone in the world.

If I got sick I don’t want to have to explain to the doctor or nurse that I probably caught the virus when I picked up a shiny bit of metal off the road and then touched my face. Yes, I kissed the washer! It is like finding one and a tenth of a dime! How could I not?

Shit!

I have to say goodbye to my inner Magpie for the duration of this worldwide epidemic. Who is suffering more than me? Sure, millions of sick people, the doctors, nurses, truck drivers, teachers, students that will miss the last couple of months of school, supermarket employees, anyone that owns or works in a restaurant or really anyone that is working at all and of course Louise. I’m suffering more than some retired people.

Sucks to be me!